As we move along in the corridors of my mind, this part of the exhibition symbolizes the deepest, emotional and most personal part of my journey of discovery. You are now in my subconscious, where there are many aspects of turmoil and Autism combined in a symphony of emotion.
To explain this section, I need to also explain certain traits of an Autistic and Neurodiverse individual that have.
There is a common misperception that Autistics feel no emotion, whereas the complete opposite is actually the truth. Autistics are very sensitive and empathetic. We not only associate and sympathize, we actually feel the pain of those around us. This can bring a lot of emotions and can make the world a very overwhelming place. My subject matter in most of my works contain intense emotion for me. In this section, all the portraits of older people represent this. The lines on their faces tell a story of many lives lived with many emotions, good and bad.
Many people have told me in my life that I’m an old soul. I’ve been through many hardships, many misdiagnoses and other intense experiences.
Another very important aspect of many Autistics are our “Energy Banks”. Because we take in so much around us at once, it can be very exhausting. This often results in me not being able to do as much as Neurotypical (“normal”) people. Simply going to a social gathering or driving around a lot can completely exhaust me. Almost like an old person who doesn’t have so much energy anymore.
I tried to work a 8-5 job (Unfortunately I also had very bad luck with horrible bosses), I tried to be an entrepreneur with my own Digital Agency. All to the point of utter exhaustion and burnout and self-hate.
The last work in this section titled: “WHEN I WAS YOUNG” represent the complete and utter despair I felt at many times in my younger life.